


Duck! Soop!

by Gypsylady



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Gen, I'm sorry it didn't turn out as good as I'd hoped, M/M, Not Beta Read, Not good fluff but fluff nonetheless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 11:36:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2308259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gypsylady/pseuds/Gypsylady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's got killer (almost literally) gaydar. There really is a Fredonia in upstate New York. This entire story exists to make one joke about this fact. I'm so very, very sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Duck! Soop!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GhostoftheMotif](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostoftheMotif/gifts).



"Little green men? What the fuck, man, how are little green men a thing?"

Clint Barton barked a laugh and rolled his eyes at the speaker. "Yo, Sam, little green men aren't even the weirdest thing we've seen this month."

"Big green men are a thing, why not little ones?" Tony Stark asked. 

"Focus, people," Steve Rogers interrupted. "Funny as it may sound, it's a real issue and there really is a horde of seven inch high Hulk clones overrunning a university town in upstate New York. Anyone have any ideas how we should approach this?"

Six sets of eyes turned toward the back of the room. Sitting in a chair in the corner, Bruce Banner glared at them all. "Why is everyone looking at me? I didn't clone a bunch of Mini Mes. Or Mini Other Mes. Are we really sure the army isn't behind this?"

From her seat at the side of the room, Stark Security's Chief Operating Office (and the former Vice Commander of the organization formerly known as SHIELD) Maria Hill replied. "I've checked covert and overt sources, the truther undernet, and for good measure I looked at the chatter from the Russian and Chinese mafias. Nothing says government. It all says mad scientist. I'd say Reed but he'd have at least tried to contact Bruce first. Well, Sue would have made him."

"So we go to upstate New York and let teeny tiny little green men kick our asses?" Everyone frowned at Natasha Romanova, who was grinning at them. "Come on, guys, it'll be fun."

"I can't wait to see Thor try to talk to them," Bruce murmured. "Because he will, you know he will."

"Wheels up in thirty," Steve announced. "Sam, you up to this? First time out with the team and all?"

Sam Wilson nodded, a wide grin brightening his face and most of the area around him for about a ten foot radius. "I am so ready, man. I'm pumped. I'm stoked. I'm…"

"A thesaurus," Clint interrupted as he passed. "Are you flying with Tony or me? I hope you take the Quinjet. We might even have pretzels and soda."

"I'm flying myself," Sam said. "Tony wants to make this a shakedown flight for the new wings. And, man, flying with Iron Man! Who would say no?"

"I would," Clint said bluntly. "Have fun, birdbrain."

"Who you calling birdbrain, birdbrain?" Sam retorted, but Clint was already leaving the room.

The Quinjet landed in a field on the outskirts of the town, with Iron Man and Falcon settling down beside it within two seconds. From their landing spot they could not hear anything, but the Starkpad Bruce was studying showed a bright green splotch near the university. Natasha and Clint climbed onto a pair of motor cycles, his purple and hers black. Sam opened his mouth to comment, then thought better of it when Natasha shot him a warning look. Steve followed them out of the back of the Quinjet on his iconic Harley Davidson. Thor arrived as they were revving the engines.

"I was delayed by the Lady Darcy," he explained. He removed a piece of fabric from one of his pouches. "She asked me to deliver this to her knight in shining armor."

Steve grinned, took the fabric from Thor, and shoved it into one of his utility pouches.

"My God that girl is gauche. A red gingham fat quarter? This is just…" Natasha made a gagging sound as she wiggled her eyebrows at Steve. "I gave you a good dozen options and you fall for Jane Foster's ditz of an intern."

Clint elbowed her gently. "You know, when you get jealous like this it's awfully cute."

She glared at Clint, who watched her with an expression of mild amusement. Finally, she turned away. "I don't like it when I give good advice and people ignore me."

"Maybe we should leave domestics at home?" Sam suggested hesitantly. 

Clint nodded. "Hop on, junior birdman. You're my eyes in the sky." He patted the back of the motorcycle's seat. "I know you don't trust my flying, man, but I promise not to dump you off the bike for revenge."

"Natasha isn't going to T-bone you for not taking her advice, right?" 

Clint grinned. "I always take her advice. She's never steered me wrong."

Sam looked at the other Avengers. Tony was on his phone, quietly talking to someone who was making him smile. Steve was, apparently subconsciously, patting the pouch with Darcy's fat quarter in it. Thor was telling Bruce about the weekend he'd spent in the Adirondacks with Jane, and Bruce was talking sadly about having stayed with Betty once at the same hotel.

Sam laughed. He felt like he'd landed in a high school clique rather than a team of warriors. It made him happy.

The alleged horde of small Hulks turned out to be a dozen. And while they were obviously strong, they were small. Bruce, who had stayed behind at the Quinjet to monitor the situation (and hopefully not make things worse when confronted with tiny Other Guys) told the team that the reports appeared to have been overreactions from a startled populace. The Hulklings (as they had immediately become known) had managed to break some windows and a few people were slightly injured from trying to pick them up and receiving hefty punches in the wrist and hands. There were two bite injuries, the victims behind held for observation just in case whatever serum was used had transferred. For the most part, though, they seemed to be more of an annoyance than a genuine threat. 

Tony and Thor had rounded up the dozen, and gotten them into containment, when Sam, swooping over Lake Erie to the north, spotted something strange and called in. "Guys, I think the Hulklings were a diversion. There's a barge thing on the lake that looks kinda more armored than most lake barges are supposed to be. I'm going in for a closer look."

Before anyone could utter the cautionary, "be careful" or the even more obvious, "No, don't," Sam was spiraling down toward the barge. As he got closer he saw that there were four people on the deck, two wearing armor and carrying what looked like Uzis, and two in lab coats. One of these was fiddling with the controls at a console set to the side of the barge. The other had his arms crossed as he stared around himself. This one focused his glare on Sam.

He picked up a microphone and spoke into it, his voice amplified by speakers on the side console. "I will give you to a count of three to get out of my sovereign airspace," he said. "Then my troops will fire."

Sam considered retreating, but took a gamble instead. Circling the barge, has asked, "Sovereign? Your boat is, like, a country?"

The man pulled himself up into a tight stance and announced, "All this surrounding area is my country. Is this not Fredonia? And am I not Rufus T Firefly?"

"The fuck?" said Tony in Sam's earpiece. "Who the fuck is he?"

"I got that reference," Steve said. "Rufus T Firefly is the leader of Fredonia when neighboring Sylvania declares war on them. It was a funny movie. I mean, that Harpo, man, he cracks me up every time. But it was a movie. In the thirties."

"We have a mad scientist with a penchant for old movies, then?" asked Bruce.

"Garden variety lunatic with money," Natasha corrected him.

Sam took off away from the barge. "Okay, then, I'm heading back to get Hawkeye. We might need to knock them out from a distance. Can we get the surrounding area evacuated fast?"

An hour later, Clint had settled comfortably into a tree with a clear view of the barge. Sam flew back a few times, but by now the men on board had started firing at him as he got closer. He managed to get a few pictures of the men that he sent back to Bruce. 

"Got it," Bruce said after a few minutes. "Rafael Tannic, inherited a couple billion from a great-uncle who was a Viet Nam era smuggler. I'm not sure where his megalomania or Marx Brothers fixation come from, though."

"Don't care," Clint said. "His scientist dude is dancing back and forth around that workstation of his like he's getting ready to do something. I'm gonna see if I can't immobilize him."

"Keep him alive," Tony demanded. "We may need to get info from him about whatever it is they're doing."

There was a rapid series of popping noises and all of the armed men on the barge fell over. "Nice shooting, Hawkeye," Sam said as he banked into a turn and headed toward the barge. He saw the arrow slam into the upper arm of the man at the console, dove for the deck, and grabbed the remaining man, the one who called himself Firefly.

Iron Man followed quickly behind him, and Thor landed almost at the same moment as he. In less than a minute they had the barge secured. That was when Sam noticed that the armed men had not been hit with arrows but with bullets. At the same moment, he realized Clint had stopped speaking.

"Hawkeye? You there, man?" he asked.

"I...uh...I have company," Clint replied softly.

Sam heaved the still protesting Tannic/Firefly at Thor and took off immediately. 

When he got close to the tree, he saw something he hadn't expected to see ever again. Despite Steve's hopes that they would someday find the fugitive assassin known as the Winter Soldier, Sam has been sure the man was smart enough to disappear. Yet here he was, rifle slung across his shoulder, standing easily on a branch of the tree just above Clint, holding up his metal arm in a gesture that might have meant surrender. Sam landed at the foot of the tree and called up to him.

"Are you here to see Steve?" he asked carefully. 

Clint glanced up, then back at Sam. "Is that….?"

Sam nodded, keeping his eyes on the Winter Soldier. 

The Soldier said, "I knew you'd all be here. I heard about the little green men and I knew the Avengers would be here. I knew I needed to help but I can't work out why."

"You've had your brain messed with, haven't you" Clint asked quietly. "I know what that's like You aren't sure who you are, right? You think you've got it and then, wham, you lose it again. You're in the middle of doing something you want to do when you freeze, wondering if you're supposed to be doing it."

The Soldier looked down. "How do you know what is in my mind?"

"I don't," Clint admitted. "But the metal arm is kind of infamous and, well, the flyboy there is talking like he recognizes you. Put two and two together and even an uneducated slob like me will get four. And I've been where you are. Not for as long, and maybe not as bad, but I had someone take my brain and turn it into his personal plaything. Seems to me the results for both of us are the same. Except you were out of it longer so it'll take you longer to get over it. Stands to reason."

"How did you get, um, over it?" The Soldier seemed to be relaxing, lowering his arm and squatting on his branch, addressing Clint.

"Me, I had a special lady smack me over the head a couple times with a wrench or iron pipe or something. I don't think that'll work for you but if you think it will I'm sure I can find find someone to help you out with that."

The small smile on the Soldier's face surprised Sam, who couldn't have imagined this man smiling. He was further surprised to see just how attractive that face was once there was a smile on it.

"I don't think anyone would be able to smack me over the head," the Soldier said. "I tend to respond badly to sudden moves. I try not to, but it's habit."

"Yo, man, I'll give it a shot if you want." Sam offered. "I think I owe you one."

The Soldier peered at Sam. "I tore your wings. I didn't enjoy it. Would you enjoy hitting me with a wrench?"

"Well, no, but I owe you something for the wing thing, you know?"

"So you think your best bet is to attack me? Again?"

"Well, yeah. I think you owe me one free shot."

Clint hissed into his radio, "Um, Sam? If I didn't know better I'd say you were flirting with the dangerous international assassin up there."

Sam said, softly, "Are you judging me, Pigeon Man?"

Clint had no chance to reply before the Soldier had leaped from his branch and landed with only minor knee bending right in front of Sam.

"I have extremely good hearing," he pointed out.

"Yeah, your bff Steve does, too. He's like a major spoilsport sometimes. You can't talk behind his back or make fun of him or anything."

"It takes a special talent to make fun of Steve," the Soldier said. "I may be able to help you there." He paused, then asked, "What's the second f stand for?"

Sam smiled. "Forever. You're a lot smarter than Steve described you."

The grin on the Soldier's face was obviously pleased. "He lies like a rug. Used to take advantage of bein' small and he'd do all kinds of things no one coulda ever guessed a little guy'd even try…" He regarded Sam thoughtfully, still grinning. "You aren't flirting with me, are you?"

"Oh, hell yes I am," Sam told him. "I hope it doesn't bother you any because you are so my type once you stop being all scary and intense and shit. But, you're right, there's more going on. Once I realized how your experience compares with Clint's, and that I have spent some time talking to Clint about what happened to him, I knew how to talk to you. It's what I do for a living. When I'm not, y'know, flying around with all these crazy people. I was pretty sure if I could get you to relax you'd find pleasant memories."

The Soldier stuck out his right, flesh, hand. "I guess it worked, at least some. Pleased to meet you, Sam, I'm James. I'm not Jimmy. Do not call me Jimmy. And Steve might try to call me Bucky again but don't you. Because if we're gonna do things together, I don't want to have to smack you. Might use the wrong hand."

"Jesus fuck, Wilson, did you just bring in the Winter Soldier by batting your baby blues? BADASS, Junior Birdman!"

"What the….CLINT? What's going on over there?" It was Steve's voice coming over the comm. Within moments Thor and Iron Man had landed beside Sam and James had dropped into a defensive stance, swinging his rifle up to point at the new arrivals.

"Stand DOWN!" Sam barked, his words echoed by Steve, who had started to receive information from Clint. 

"Back off, guys, I found him and I'm keeping him." Sam winked at James. The other man stood up slowly, still holding his rifle at the ready. "James, really, I'm the only one you can hurt with that thing, well, me and Clint and Clint is completely innocent in all this. Please, set it down. We all know you came to help us. Without you we wouldn't have the crazy billionaire in custody. We know you're on our side here."

"The crazy billionaire? Oh, you mean Rufus T Firefly? Yeah, he's no Groucho." James slowly lowered his rifle. 

"Tell Bucky to stay put and I'll come in and get him," Steve said. 

Sam shook his head even though he knew Steve couldn't see him. "I'm not telling this 'Bucky' person anything but I'll ask your buddy James to stick around till you get here. You got the bad movie gang rounded up?"

"FBI just got on scene," Steve confirmed. "Natasha and I are on our way."

"Is Steve with the sexy Russian gal?" James asked. 

"I am with the sexy Russian gal," Clint said. "Steve is with the dorkiest chick any of us has ever met."

James pursed his lips. "How absolutely not his style," he observed. "Sam...it's Sam, right? Did you know I'd respond to your flirting?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, I kinda figured it out at some point while you were trying to kill me. Something in the way you moved, maybe where your eyes went, I can't explain it. Steve never told me, if that's what you're wondering. I did want to ask if he'd learned the manboob grab hanging around with you but that would be tacky and, y'know, unfair. To you."

James burst out in laughter. "Oh, yeah, THAT move."

The sound of motorcycles arriving interrupted the reminisce, and before he turned to face Steve, James said to Sam, "If I survive the next couple of hours, I'm going to need a lot of beer. Do you know a place?"

"You bet." Sam nodded. "Stark's got a good selection. We'll put a dent in it."

\--------------------------------

FOUR MONTHS LATER

 

"Who the hell lost control of Tannic?" Clint asked, watching the slide show in amused horror.

"FBI," Steve said, and Tony added, "I offered to help, they can't say I didn't try to help them."

Maria Hill cleared her throat. "They say local P.D. dropped the ball. Local P.D. says no one warned him the guy was a super villain."

"Does he actually qualify as a supervillain? And do we really care who's at fault?" Steve asked. "We need to catch this guy and put him someplace he can't get away from. Have the accountants had any luck tracking down all the places he's hidden his money?"

"No, and I think calling this fool a super villain is like an insult to true villains," Tony said. "He's like a wannabe. Still, I guess we should head out to the Hamptons and see what diabolical silliness he's gotten up to."

"Wheels up in thirty, then" Steve said. 

"You flying in the Quinjet or is your boyfriend giving you a lift?" Clint asked.

James bumped a hip into Sam's hip. "I think we flew enough last night, babe. Mind if I travel with purple and his hot Russian girlfriend for a bit?"

Sam sighed dramatically. "You're gonna be with the hot blond dude, too. Do I have to worry about this?"

"Hands off my man!" No one had spotted Darcy Lewis coming in but once there, her presence was pronounced. 

"I still don't get this," James whispered into Sam's ear. "Steve and a flake like her? When he once had someone like Peggy Carter?"

"She's not the bimbo she pretends to be," Sam replied. "I've seen the videos of her in New Mexico. She not only stood up to the whole might that used to be SHIELD, she tasered Thor."

"Ah, so she's like Peggy without a cause."

Darcy was kissing Steve while groping his buttocks. Pepper Potts had come into the briefing room for a moment and was pecking Tony on the cheek while Tony tried to grope under her jacket. Thor and Jane Foster were holding hands and looking out the window at the clouds. Clint and Natasha were playing a game that apparently involved him trying to grab something from her hand and failing, apparently on purpose. 

Sam kissed James' cheek. "You ready for this? First time out with the whole team?"

James caught Sam's lips with his own and held the other man's body tight to his own. After a few breathless second's worth of kiss, he pulled his head back a bit. "You're there, that's all that matters."

"Guys, guys, you'll never believe what I just found out about Tannic's new scheme!" Bruce looked up from the laptop held been working on. "He's going by the alias Jefferey Spalding."

"Shit," James said. He loudly and passionately kissed Sam again, then burst into song.

"Hooray for Captain Spalding  
The African explorer…"

"Did someone call me shnorrer?" came from Tony

"Hooray, hooray, hooray," sang Steve, who then continued the song, "He went into the jungle where all the monkey throw nuts."

"If I stay here I'll go nuts," sang Clint. 

The Avengers headed out toward their gear and transportation.

**Author's Note:**

> I owe many apologies to my recipient. I was so sure I could do this well. I clearly lost sight of my muse. I promise to make it up to you. I'll write something good, just for you. I promise.


End file.
